Days 81-82 - 12/12/16-12/13/16 - Palm Springs to Joshua Tree National Park

Vin, Nelson and I aren’t the type of doods that you see around Palm Springs.  There’s some classy guys and dolls out there and we’re just a few hairball dirtbags.  They picked me up in front of the fancy hotel and we caused quite the scene breaking down my bicycle and loading it and all my bags into Nelson’s already cramped Saturn Vue.  No one could ride shotgun cause that’s where their 2-burner propane stove sits.  

I avoided the 35 mile bike ride into town and the 10 mile ride to the campground, all uphill.  That’s okay, I don’t feel like I cheated.  I hit 7,000 miles yesterday, I can take a car ride.  We stopped at the climbing store before the park, I quickly got a harness and a pair of shoes and before I could let all the breathtaking scenery sink into my eyes Vinny was already scaling a wall and I was soon to follow.  I didn’t know anything about rock climbing at this point.  I still kind of don’t.  All I know is I trust Vinny and Nelson.  I trust science, and I guess I trust the people manufacturing the gear we’re trusting our lives with.  Between my first climb and second climb on Tuesday, there was a point on each wall where I didn’t think I could go on, I felt too tired and didn’t know where I could put my hands and my feet to advance myself upwards.  But, with the motivation from friends, both above and below, I made it up my first 2 climbs.  

The very first, The Flake, the 3 of us made it to the very top, about 110 feet, just in time to watch the sun set, streaking the sky with pink and gold.  We rested in a little alcove, protected from the wind as the shroud of night fell over all the piles of rock and over all the funky Joshua Trees and we rolled and smoked a spliff by the light of our headlamps.  Now stoned, we rappelled over the side into the shadow of intersection rock.  

Once back on solid ground, the adrenaline began to fade and I had the realization I’m sure all rock climbers have after make it off the ground, this real intense metaphor for life: trusting in the people holding the rope, trusting the gear and trusting your own movements; taking it slow one move at a time but, also knowing no system is perfect, failure and death always seem close by but that’s no excuse to avoid danger, avoid the journey, avoid the rewards.  What is the reward?  I’m not so sure yet, besides the adrenaline rush and the beautiful views.  

Day 2, the 3 of us set out with another climber, Heather.  After everyones’ warmup and my major workout, we scrambled across the wilderness, through the perfectly manicured gardens of trees and cacti, and boulders, up and down piles of rock, laid out like a prehistoric playground onto the next climb.  A perfectly straight crack, very thin at the bottom that opens up a bit more at the top.  The journey to this climb was enough for me but, it was pure beauty watching Heather lead this one, figuring out the puzzle one limb at a time, finding ways to place gear and move herself up.  

There’s an amazing difference in leading a climb vs. following someone else.  Leading, you are going up to the unknown, carrying what you can around your waist, climbing and little, setting a piece, going further and hoping you set your gear right.  It’s beautiful watching people push themselves mentally and physically, coming down breathing heavily, excitement exuding, thankful to be on the ground but already looking forward to the next ascent.

Day 77 - 12/8/16 - Day Off - Los Feliz, Los Angeles, CA

Hallie and Jack both make art full time to support themselves, whether it’s comics for some magazine or website, or collaborating on a book together.  I had no expectations of them going out of their way to make sure I had something fun to do, I can’t even imagine how much more work they do than the average joe.  It’s probably comparable to working on a pot farm but you actually need real skills and dedication and I don’t think being a freelance illustrator requires you to shit in a hole in the ground, I could be wrong though.  

So I sat and did what everyone else was doing and did some drawing.  It felt really good.  I was working on a couple images for a friend and it just felt incredible to produce something I was happy to look at on top of making something for a friend’s project.  Talking to these two artists, I explained where and when the momentum of my art production fizzled out after college, I felt guilty, like I could’ve done more but, it also made me think I could get back on track.  It’s been an inspiration time with these two.  

Tonight was movie night at Jack’s  Hallie had too much work to do so she stayed behind.  I got to meet so many of their friends, some of them didn’t even know each other so I wasn’t so far outside the circle of friends.  In fact, it was like the creation of an entirely new circle, like a new planet that would only last a brief time, just one night, where everybody chanted ‘John Malkovich’ and complimented each other to the point where ‘over the top’ was an understatement.  Everyone hugged upon meeting, strangers hugging before any real information was exchanged, all based on a shared relationship with an individual.  

At least in my memory, life isn’t usually like this back home, I don’t meet a ton of new people and it seems like that’s all I do now.  Might as well hug.  Maybe 8 of us watched “Some Like it Hot” an old flick where 2 doods dress like women to avoid being whacked by the mob.  Both of them looked great as girls and there was plenty of evidence that transgender and homosexuality was barely even a thought in show business at that time, maybe the 40’s?  Early 50’s?  It certainly wasn’t offensive, just sort of laughably ignorant.  Jack drove us to Sketchparty after the movie, just him and I, everyone else went home, it was close to 11:00pm.  

Sketchparty takes place at a bar one night a week, they cover all the surfaces and tables with paper and let all the drinkers doodle the night away.  If my environment at home was so geared toward art, would I be where I am right now?  Would I have found some alternative route to venture down?  It’s impossible to say but, being around so many creative folks in LA made me want to make more art.

 

Day 75 - 12/6/16 - San Elijoh SP to Dana Point, CA

I got donuts at VG’s Bakery this morning with Randy and Jenny.  They’re real fun, I”m glad I got to meet them even if it was for a short time.  They were headed South, Where I had been but, my adventure takes me back up North.  It was a nice ride today, just as nice as the first time I did it.  I was cruisin’ definitely in some kind of groove.  

When I stopped to take a leak in Oceanside, I met this kid who was sort of drifting from place to place, not much on his back, on some kind of spiritual quest.  He gave me some coffee he had in a big Hydroflask, it was the perfect drinking temperature, as hot as it can be without burning your mouth or lips.  I didn’t really know where I would sleep tonight, I still sort of don’t as I sit here and write this in some community park by these baseball fields.  

The state park doesn’t offer Hiker/Biker sites and the regular sites were going for $40...I lingered there a bit, wondered if I could camp there without being seen.  I moved on down a bike path, saw a flat patch behind the fence of the baseball field I’m sitting at now.  Hopefully no homeless folk have moved in on my turf...I miss doing this, I haven’t boonie-camped in a while, not since Oregon.  It changes up the routine.  

I really can’t wait to get away from these heavily populated areas, there’s just so much crammed between the ocean and the mountains, there aren’t many places to hide in that aren’t already taken by the people that are living on the streets out here.  There aint much room for us folk that are just passin’ through, except at campgrounds.

Day 74 - 12/5/16 - Chula Vista to San Elijoh State Park, CA

I woke up with a scratchy throat yesterday and thought I just slept with my mouth open or was snoring or something but, I definitely have a little cold, we’ll call it the sniffles because it’s really not that bad.  The last time I had the sniffles was after I left Chicago.  I’ve come to the conclusion big cities are gross and get you sick.  I could’ve stayed at Rafa’s another day but not riding when you’re sick is like not riding in the rain, you just gotta suck it up.  It was only a 40 mile ride anyway.  I did a lot of backtracking through the streets of San Diego, back up North along the coast.  I’m heading to LA to meet a couple more artists before going to Joshua Tree to  see Vinny and Nelson and a bunch more dirtbags, no doubt.  

I don’t know if these sniffles put a chip on my shoulder or what but, I was extra annoyed at all the red lights and inconsiderate drivers on the road today, I’m never usually annoyed at all, maybe 6 months of being on the road is getting to me or maybe it’s the city life that’s bugging me.  I can’t get out to J-Tree to see my homies fast enough.  I met a real groovy couple here at San Elijoh State Park.  Their sailboat is docked in New York, they flew out West and have been riding down the coast for a few months like me.  They even met Blue a few times on the way down!  Their plan is to ride back East through the South and then up to NY and then hop on their boat and sail away.  

They’ve already sailed around the world, stopped in many places to work and travel and explore which includes a brief stint operating a banana plantation somewhere in Australia before a monsoon flattened everything.  Randy said he found the biking community to be incredibly similar to the sailing community, other sailors are quick to lend a hand.  It’s gotta have something to do with finding peace in self-propelled travel.  Maybe sailing is my next venture.  Maybe I’ll at least hop on their boat when they sail across to Europe.

Day 72 - 12/3/16 - Day Off - Chula Vista, CA

I retraced my bike ride from yesterday, this time Rafaela accompanied me.  We even went to REI again like I did yesterday.  She was excited to ride her bike, Maria, and I was excited to see the beautiful lake again at the foot of the mountains.  We watched the ducks swim around for a while before heading back.  Today was her mother’s surprise birthday party, we had to be at Rafa’s aunt’s by 2:30 and she wanted to take me out for some good vegan food beforehand, we were fully booked for the day.  

Rafa asked if I was ready to be the outsider at the party, the only person who can’t speak and understand Espanol.  To be honest, I was excited.  I’ve been so inspired to learn the language since I’ve been on the road meeting all sorts of bilingual people.  It seems silly to me to only know English.  I know there’s situations out there where the true meaning of a statement gets lost through translation or doesn’t even translate at all.  To hear something in another language and to understand it only in that way is fascinating to me.  

I met her cousins, aunts and uncles in the backyard around the patio.  The band was warming up, singing and playing songs en Espanol and any conversation I heard was foreign to my ears aside from a few words here and there.  After we successfully surprised her mother the party went on non-stop.  Everyone ingested the food and the music, the beer and tequila and danced into the dusk.  I did my best to talk to friends and cousins en Espanol.  Luckily, they all spoke English so I could fall back on my native tongue and they could tell me how to say certain things.  I feel so lucky for the experience.  

Language is an extensive puzzle, una rompecabeza, that we can allow to keep us separated or we can help each other understand as best we can.  I’m certainly no expert in Spanish, nowhere near fluent, it will be a work in progress.  It’s sad how much opportunity to learn I’ve wasted instead of embraced.  It’s never too late to learn something new, even if all you learn is that you want to learn.  That’s where I’m at, I want to learn, I wish I felt this way in high school.  Oh well.

Day 71 - 12/2/16 - Day Off - Chula Vista, CA

Rafa flew into San Diego at 10:00pm tonight but, hours and hours before that she texted me from Vermont with another big list of possible things to do to fill my day with places to ride to and places to eat –she’s a great long-distance tour guide.  I rode to the Olympic training center, sat by the lake, looked at the mountains, orange and rusty in color, did some writing (Rafa says she usually reads here) and then rode back.  I listened to some Christmas music while I ate lunch.  Connie came in the kitchen and was humming and singing under her breath while she did motherly things like put stuff away and wipe down counters and push chairs in.  Their home is decorated like the North Pole and I love it.  Later on, David and Dani and I drove into the city for some epic donuts at Donut Bar.  Large, colorful, sugary circles seemed to glow under the soft warm lights overhead.  

There’s a lot of love for donuts in this place.  The 3 of us went to the mall afterwards, David wanted to upgrade his wardrobe.  I normally avoid malls like the plague this time of year but, I never mind going along for the ride.  We all had fun; Dani and I made all the decisions for David in terms of color and pattern.  I haven’t bought any new clothes (except for what I’ve been wearing on this trip) in quite a while.  I like second-hand stores but, I admit, I was a bit enticed by all the nice sweaters and jackets.  I’m not going to know how to dress myself when I get home.  I’ve got about 4 shirts and a few pairs of pants/shorts that all have a specific purpose.  I’m going to need help remembering to wear something different every day, even underwear.  

We didn’t have much time to relax between getting home from the mall and going back out to pick up Rafaela, just enough time to eat another donut.  There she was, sitting out in the California cold, still bundled up from Vermont, looking like all the photos I’d seen of her but still somehow different.  Images of people and things make us think we’ve actually seen something or met someone but us humans are easily swindled by our own ideas of something.  So far, my mental image and the real Rafa are in sync; I always thought she was a kind and beautiful girl and the short time spent in the car on the way back to Chula Vista confirmed my vision of her.  It was close to 11:00pm when we got back, it felt like 2:00am to Rafa so we all went to bed to rest for tomorrow’s party.

Day 70 - 12/1/16 - Pacific Beach, San Diego to Chula Vista, CA

It’s nice to take it slow in the morning, to get out of bed and do things on your own terms.  Chula Vista is only 25 miles from Stephanie’s place, a little more than a 2 hour ride.  I didn’t leave until 1:00ish when Steph had to go to work, and even then I didn’t rush to Rafaela’s place.  I guess it’s her family’s place since she lives in Vermont now.  I’ve never met her in person, we’ve just talked over the phone and via text, a good friend of a good friend, that pretty much means we’re good friends already.  Someone that offers up her family’s house as a place to stay for the weekend is a very good friend, I’m very grateful and very excited to give her a hug when I see her in tomorrow night, she’s flying back for her mom’s surprise birthday party that she already knows about.  

It’s funny to think I’ve met Rafaela’s whole family before meeting her in person.  They’re good people, I can tell where she gets it from.  Luis, her step dad let me in and gave me water and talked to me until David got home, Rafa’s younger brother.  We talked about my trip, what he’s studying in school and life in general.  He’s studying kinesiology, that might not be right but, he studies the way the body works and what a person needs to do to take care of themselves.  He wants to help people be happy in their skin through diet and exercise, something I believe in as well.  Nearly all personal problems, self esteem and self image issues can be alleviated through a little physical activity and eating some good food.  A donut here and there can’t hurt either.  When Connie, Rafa and David’s mother came home, the four of us went out for dinner, Mexican food.  I had a burrito for lunch but, I could eat a burrito every meal of the day and not complain.  Rafa and David have a younger sister but, she worked late and got home after I had already gone to sleep.  

Getting absorbed into someone else’s family is a beautiful thing.  Sharing what you have with someone who has nothing is a very human thing.  I never thought I’d be so dependent on the company of others, the warm feeling of being in the bosom of a family even when it’s not yours.  It’s truly the family that makes the holidays the holidays even if you have to borrow someone else’s.  I’d like to think my presence has a positive effect on the family, makes the weekend a bit more distinct than others knowing they’re doing something very kind for me.  Maybe years down the road the Rodriguez’s will remember having a smell biker for some added company around Connie’s birthday just a few weeks before Christmas.

Day 69 - 11/30/16 - Oceanside to Pacific Beach, San Diego, CA

Despite the cozy motel room a block from the beach, sleep did not find me easily.  Train tracks run perpendicular to the street the Beachwood Motel sits on, busy train tracks, in fact, maybe every 20 minutes.  I find it comforting, and also kind of funny, how close the Amtrak route has been to my bike route over the last couple of weeks.  

I think when I finally board the train to go home I’ll find myself backtracking quite a bit, seeing all I’ve seen from a train window, back through Oceanside and over the bridge at Gaviota State Beach, being one with the noise that as disturbed or prevented sleep while making my way down So. Cal.  I left the motel early, before 9:00am so I could see Stephanie before she went to work.  I did not make it, I was on pace but, I blame my Canadian friends, Brandon, Brendan and Kane.  

I met them at the end of October, rode with them almost all the way to San Fran.  Then another month went by, hundred of miles down the road and we stopped to smoke a joint just like old times.  We caught up briefly but, once on the road we split up fairly quickly without a proper goodbye.  It’s very possible I’ll see them again.  I’ve known Stephanie since 6th grade.  Her last name is Brown, mine is Brenton.  Folks that are close to you in the alphabet usually stay close throughout school.  Since I missed her before she left for work, I didn’t see her til after 10:00.  

I did what I usually do, eat food then smoke down by the pier and watch the sunset.  It’s fun seeing people from home in places you’d never expect.  Part of the fun of traveling is seeing all new people but, it’s also kind of special when you encounter someone from home out on the road, even if you’re not the tightest of friends, having a shared background is a unique way to relate.  We talked a little about home, mostly getting away from it, it makes you appreciate it more once you actually go back from an extended stay elsewhere.  

I don’t know from personal experience but, I already feel a longing to see familiar streets and people and places, to know where I’m going, to be able to look at something and know how it’s changed.

Day 68 - 11/29/16 - Newport Beach to Oceanside, CA

It was a real light breakfast today, coffee and seawater.  I usually like a little more sustenance but, Quintin was driving the ship and he likes an early start.  I guess I’m lucky I got coffee.  The ride to the beach wasn’t more than 10 minutes.  The sun was shining and the wind was blowing in a way that made Quintin incredibly excited.  “When the wind is blowing out to sea the waves maintain a nicer form before they break.”  I’m learning.  He gave me all sorts of other advice for I failed to remember in the hour or so of me getting my ass kicked while Quintin did what all surfers do and made it look easy.  A couple times I stood up but, certainly didn’t get very far.  I still had fun.  

On the way back, Quintin told me more about his European bike tour back in the 90’s, about the South Africans that taught him how to beat the visa system and find work to stay as long as possible under the radar.  The way he spoke about his life on the road, I could feel the sincere jealousy and happiness he had for me and my open-ended trip.  Though he’d rather be less tied down, he’s genuinely happy he made the choice to play first and work later.  As a person that is playing now with no real regard for the future, I like this way of living too.  Leaving Quintin’s on my bike, I could feel the hour of surfing on my arms and stomach.  

My arms aren’t used to doing much these days, certainly not paddling.  And my stomach just took some hard smacks from the waves against the board.  It sure was a beautiful day though.  I didn’t have a place in mind to stay so I made it easy on myself and got a motel in Oceanside, my first motel going down the Pacific Coast, not too bad for nearly 70 days on the road.  I felt like treating myself.  Just a block from the beach I made my way down to the pier to watch the sunset after I checked in around 4:00pm.  

There’s something about dusk and dawn, those transitional points between day and night, night and day.  It’s important to be present, it’s easy to get distracted and come back to the moment and to wonder where the day went, how did night fall so fast?

Day 66 11/27/16 - Day Off - Long Beach, CA

Despite waking up indoors without a plan to ride anywhere new today, I still woke up with the sun around 6:00am.  I moved around a bit on the air mattress but it didn’t take long for me to jump right into my usual routine: oats, coffee, and stretching.  It’s honestly the best way to wake up.  Catherine woke up after 8:00 like a normal person and didn’t linger long before heading to her studio in LA.  I had my own agenda: Donuts.  The rain from yesterday disappeared last night but came back this morning, sometimes barely misting and others, a steady stream.  

I watched this all through the window of the top floor apartment, wasting time until noon when it stopped for good, and then I left.  I took Clementine with me to the train about a mile away and rode the rails to the other end, nearly 25 miles, another major detour for the sake of donuts but, what else do I have to do?  I’m just a slug in a garden, any one plant would suit me well for quite a while but, might as well venture out and see what other stuff tastes like.  So I got a pizza while I was in Echo Park as well.  I got back on the train after dark after many failed attempts at asking strangers for bud.  

I didn’t take the train all 25 miles back to Catherine’s; I got off somewhere 10 miles or so from her apartment.  The LA river bike path was a straight shot South to the beach which is why I decided to make the ride on the pitch black path.  The recent rain filled the usually dry riverbed so the lights from cars and buildings twinkled and swayed in the water.  There was no need to rush back, it was still early despite being dark.  I eventually made it back, walked Clementine through the courtyard, the sound of the fountain gently trickling amidst the calm potted palms and cacti, the little oasis where a stone statue of Buddha sits, meditating.  

Catherine and I had a nice, relaxing night, her friend Kayla came by to cut her hair; she modeled for one of Catherine’s paintings where Kayla and another girl are doing their make up in the mirror while a turntable is spinning a David Bowie record.  It’s a gorgeous piece, so many oranges and yellows, it has a warm glow like a fond memory seen clearly with closed eyes.  I like nights like this, blurry and dimly lit in my mind.  We ended up in Kayla’s backyard when we dropped her off; she smoked a cigarette and I smoked a bowl of the weed she was able to find me.  Her landlord has dozens or maybe a hundred potted succulents in the small yard, red and white Christmas lights hang around the space and the muffled sound of the TV puffed out of the cracked window like an audible smoke while we talked low, not wanting to disturb her landlord.  

Leftover donuts await us tomorrow, then I’ll ride off to the next stop.  I’m running out of road in California and I don’t plan on crossing into Mexico til January.  The month of December, I’ll be in Mexico Limbo, killing more time, putting more days in the books with blurry edges, oddly lit.

Day 61 - 11/22/16 Oceano, CA to Gaviota, SP

I remember it wasn’t until Ohio that I stayed at a campground where there were actually other people there.  That was a nice change of pace, nice to have people to talk to and hang out with (that’s also the first time I ran into raccoon issues).  Here at Gaviota State Park, the campground is actually closed, only open to cyclists.  The sites are scattered about the parking lot and past everything is the beach, framed by a tall railroad bridge that spans the length of the 2 cliffs that bookend the little slice of sand.  

And it’s just me here to enjoy it.  There were a few folks poking around to watch the sun set but, now it is dark, windy but, also very peaceful.  I met a girl the other day at San Simeon but have not seen her since.  The campground situation in Oceano last night was a bit screwy and I thought I ended up at a different campground than her, maybe I did.  But I expected to see her here today but, that’s not the case.  She was good company, for sure.  A Wyoming native –I told her all the ridiculous shit that happened to me there and she just laughed.  It was a peaceful ride through lots of farmland today, warm and sunny.  Whenever the road veers inland into farm territory I’m always excited when it brings me back to the coast.  It looks like that’s where I’ll be for the next couple of days.  

I still don’t know what I’m doing for Thanksgiving, if I’ll ride or if I’ll sit still, if anyone will be where I am or what I’ll eat –probably some vegetarian chili.  I wish I could’ve gone out on the pier here to watch the sunset but, it’s closed for construction and I was also too hungry to sit and wait for the sun to go down.  I did take a little stroll on the beach but, I feel compelled to get everything set up so I can crawl in my tent right away when it starts to get cold.  As I was finishing washing my dishes, I walked out of the bathroom to the sight and sound of an Amtrak train riding across the sky; most of the windows were lit up enough to see people inside, some walking around, opening this and that, others sitting by the window in their own little space watching the world whip on by or maybe lost in a good book.  

I’m planning on taking the Amtrak back to Boston once the time comes to head home.  I might’ve taken this site as a sign to head home if that train had been heading North but, sure enough it was barreling down the tracks, Southbound to cacti, more palm trees and more adventures in unknown places.  

Day 60 - 11/21/16 San Simeon SP to Oceano, CA

It was a late start today.  Everything went as planned but, I had just planned on doing a lot.  The sun rose up past the tops of the trees close to 8:00am, it felt like someone just turned the heat on full blast.  I enjoyed removing gloves and hat and eating my oatmeal in the warmth of the morning.  Happy to see the sun, I dried out everything that was wet: tent, sleeping pad, bags, shoes... I kept all my soaking clothes in a bag to take to the laundromat in Cambria.

I didn’t leave the campsite til 10:30 and I didn’t leave Cambria til 1:00.  I knew the very end of my ride would happen after sunset but, I wasn’t worried.  Sometimes it’s nice to still be riding, watching the sun paint the sky pink and blue over the ocean, past the palms... It does get cold though.  Luckily, this campground has showers, it was my first time in a week.  The hot water did me right, I stood in there for a solid half hour, soaking it all in.  It’s so easy to forget how nice a warm home is.

Day 58 - 11/19/16 - Andrew Molera State SP to Kirk Creek SP, CA

I forgot how much I enjoy my alone time in the morning and in the evening.  I’ve been in my tent for the last couple hours even though it’s only 6:00pm.  It’s been drizzling on and off since the early afternoon so I actually made an early dinner right in here.  The idea off writing more consistently brightens me up; the activity has become my rock, my way of staying grounded.  Even though I can’t post everything I write everyday for folks to check in on me, I still feel like I’m talking to everyone when my pen hits the page.  

With less than a week til Thanksgiving, thoughts of family and friends are at the forefront of my mind.  I’ve never been away from home so long, almost 6 months, and I’ve never spent the holiday season away from home.  It will be good for me, changing things up is good for everyone, that’s how we learn things about ourselves.  What do I now know about myself that I did not know before?  I guess that I can survive without a shower for a couple weeks.  I’m strong, physically and mentally, I’ll take a small town or a city any day and a secluded campground over a small town.

I can control my life by the way I look at it.  I’m full of love for all things in the universe.  I think I’ll really see some personal growth once I go back home, a changed person in a familiar situation.  Big Sur has a presence like some sort of sleeping giant laying across 70 miles of sea, cars and bikes riding up and down its spiny back, another place in nature people go to feel small, to connect with something so powerful...I had a headache this morning, the worst one I’ve had in a while.  I woke up with it around 1:00am, I thought maybe the mushrooms dehydrated me so I slugged some water but, the damn pain was with me all day, I almost didn’t want to ride for fear I wouldn’t enjoy the scenery.  

But I made it the 35 miles, head pounding most of the day, and it did not interfere once.  I had to tell myself to get over it, to remind myself how many people on Earth are in worse pain than me.  And probably none of those people are here in one of the most beautiful stretches of road here on Earth.  Everything is perfect, me by myself, the rain, Beethoven playing softly from the speaker next to my knee, my luxury-coffin-sized tent, the waves less than 100 feet away.  I may feel lonely at times but, none of us are ever by ourselves.