1/19/17 - Stoneham, MA - Home Again

Vin’s odometer ticked passed 200,000 miles on our way to the airport but his sleep-filled eyes didn’t notice.  Barely 3:30am.  I was too focused on directing my sleepy chaufer.  This trip became much more than a cross-country bicycle journey – that ended 4 months ago.  

The timeline in my head is a knotted ball of yarn, my most recent memories involve ropes and rocks in the strange stretch of land known as Joshua Tree.  

But, I can still listen to certain songs, close my eyes, and be transported back to the plains of South Dakota, riding along the Columbia River in Oregon or winding through the Redwoods of California.  

Countless moments of solitude from the seat of my bike, so many miles of scenery fly through my mind like a bright red ribbon over my eyes and suddenly I’m home like it never happened, like a compelling dream that stays with you for the rest of your life.  I intentionally put the pen down a couple days into my month-long stint in J-Tree, I knew it would be a blur no matter how hard I tried to hold onto details.  

It’s a fuzzy memory, unlike anything I saw in the landscape – ok, all the mice and rabbits and coyotes are pretty fuzzy.  All the plants are rigid and defensive, a harsh place to grow.  

Even the rocks are anything but smooth, they’ve taken their fair share of skin and blood from me and many others.  I like to think we’ve all given our blood and our skin, a gesture of respect.  

There’s something compelling about that place, it takes hold of many people and beckons their return year after year, the dirtbags who live out of their cars and survive off rocks and adrenaline and meals crafted in communal dutch ovens by campfire coals.  

I’ve never seen so many people so stoked on nature.  I’ve never spent so many days in a row sleeping without a roof overhead.  The night sky became my ceiling and shooting stars were the sheep I was counting.  

To wake up outside, ready to watch the sunrise is a special thing, even when a layer of frost covered my sleeping bag.  

The sun would be up soon enough to dry it all out, to heat up the rocks for us to climb.  Everyday, we had to opportunity to defy death, to trust science and each other’s ability to implement science to get our Earthbound asses up on top of some rocks, screaming and swearing at times when we were giving all we had and sometimes a little more.  

I never thought I’d be a rock climber but damn, that’s some good adrenaline.  I’ve felt small many may times over the course of 7 months but, how humbling it is knowing a wrong move, some man-made error on a sheer rock wall can send you to your death.  

I’ve thought about death a good deal and even though I have a lot of trust in myself and my friends at the end of the rope, I never felt closer to death than my month in Joshua Tree.  

It’s something we can’t avoid, we might as well get used to it.  It still blows my mind all the things I’ve seen and done and the people I’ve met...here I am at home with a roof over my head and all the people I’ve shared my life with except the last 7 months.  

I want them all to know and understand what went on and how I feel but damn, no words or drawings or photos will ever make anyone understand.  This whole ‘life’ thing is intensely personal but, we’re all trying to make at least one other person know what life is like in our own skull.

Days 81-82 - 12/12/16-12/13/16 - Palm Springs to Joshua Tree National Park

Vin, Nelson and I aren’t the type of doods that you see around Palm Springs.  There’s some classy guys and dolls out there and we’re just a few hairball dirtbags.  They picked me up in front of the fancy hotel and we caused quite the scene breaking down my bicycle and loading it and all my bags into Nelson’s already cramped Saturn Vue.  No one could ride shotgun cause that’s where their 2-burner propane stove sits.  

I avoided the 35 mile bike ride into town and the 10 mile ride to the campground, all uphill.  That’s okay, I don’t feel like I cheated.  I hit 7,000 miles yesterday, I can take a car ride.  We stopped at the climbing store before the park, I quickly got a harness and a pair of shoes and before I could let all the breathtaking scenery sink into my eyes Vinny was already scaling a wall and I was soon to follow.  I didn’t know anything about rock climbing at this point.  I still kind of don’t.  All I know is I trust Vinny and Nelson.  I trust science, and I guess I trust the people manufacturing the gear we’re trusting our lives with.  Between my first climb and second climb on Tuesday, there was a point on each wall where I didn’t think I could go on, I felt too tired and didn’t know where I could put my hands and my feet to advance myself upwards.  But, with the motivation from friends, both above and below, I made it up my first 2 climbs.  

The very first, The Flake, the 3 of us made it to the very top, about 110 feet, just in time to watch the sun set, streaking the sky with pink and gold.  We rested in a little alcove, protected from the wind as the shroud of night fell over all the piles of rock and over all the funky Joshua Trees and we rolled and smoked a spliff by the light of our headlamps.  Now stoned, we rappelled over the side into the shadow of intersection rock.  

Once back on solid ground, the adrenaline began to fade and I had the realization I’m sure all rock climbers have after make it off the ground, this real intense metaphor for life: trusting in the people holding the rope, trusting the gear and trusting your own movements; taking it slow one move at a time but, also knowing no system is perfect, failure and death always seem close by but that’s no excuse to avoid danger, avoid the journey, avoid the rewards.  What is the reward?  I’m not so sure yet, besides the adrenaline rush and the beautiful views.  

Day 2, the 3 of us set out with another climber, Heather.  After everyones’ warmup and my major workout, we scrambled across the wilderness, through the perfectly manicured gardens of trees and cacti, and boulders, up and down piles of rock, laid out like a prehistoric playground onto the next climb.  A perfectly straight crack, very thin at the bottom that opens up a bit more at the top.  The journey to this climb was enough for me but, it was pure beauty watching Heather lead this one, figuring out the puzzle one limb at a time, finding ways to place gear and move herself up.  

There’s an amazing difference in leading a climb vs. following someone else.  Leading, you are going up to the unknown, carrying what you can around your waist, climbing and little, setting a piece, going further and hoping you set your gear right.  It’s beautiful watching people push themselves mentally and physically, coming down breathing heavily, excitement exuding, thankful to be on the ground but already looking forward to the next ascent.